


Pinwheel

by Chrysanthemum21



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, It was a school project honestly, M/M, Song Fic Kinda, inspired by a song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:41:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28088676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chrysanthemum21/pseuds/Chrysanthemum21
Summary: Having the same fate like a pinwheel can be both sad and hopeful. Or so does Huang Renjun thinks.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1





	Pinwheel

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is, obviously, inspired by Pinwheel by SEVENTEEN. I originally wrote this for school work, but I figured.. Is this?? Acceptable?? I am not sure, but well.. It's safe to post it here.

Joshua slowly pulls his car over after he saw a paddler who sold toys on the side of the road. A small crafting toy of pinwheel that was displayed on the front of the cart had caught his attention and he got the urge to take that toy with him. The pinwheel was so simple though, it is in the color of red with tiny yellow spot in the middle. He just could not help to think of someone who will be so happy to receive that toy, that is why he decided to buy it in the first place. He then gives a small smile and a thank you to the young maiden who sold it to him, before he goes to his car and drives away again. 

On his way, Joshua feels a little bit lonely, so he turns the radio on to cheer him up a little. He recognizes the song right away, because he always sang it long time ago. 'What a coincidence.' He thought to himself, because the title of the song that was playing is Pinwheel. The corner of his lips curved into a soft smile, while his eyelids cover his tears. The melody sounds bittersweet for him right now, but he did not turn the radio off. He finds the passing emotion is better than nothingness at all. He keeps on driving as his mind is now focused on the song and the road to the place he had been visiting regularly every time for the past years. He was going to visit the place of his late beloved. 

His beloved was a beautiful, beautiful girl with a bright smile that sometimes mirrored in Joshua's face himself when he looked at her. Her hair always flows in the wind because she liked to go outside and play in nature with Joshua as her lovely companion. They would often walk hand in hand through to the park that is located near the end of their block and just having their time there. One day, there was a peddler passed by them, and he sold toys and other handcrafted pieces, and the girl immediately took interest with one of the toys. It was a red pinwheel with a spot of yellow in the middle. She was so happy with the toy that she immediately started to run around to caught the wind with her pretty pinwheel. Joshua could only laugh when he witnessed her adorable antics and he started to run around with her too, catching the wind on his face, and cherishing the moment with her. She then started to sing a line from a song that she once heard, and Joshua asked her if the song is called Pinwheel because it was so obvious from the lyrics. Of course she said yes, because that is the truth, and she offered a listen to him so they shared the earphone together as they settled down on the bench in the park, humming to the melody and letting the wind blow on the pinwheel. 

Unfortunately, as people say, nothing last forever. Joshua had to be on his beloved's side as she lay down weak against the hospital bed. Her usual rosy cheeks were grimly pale, and her plump lips were chapped and it looked painfully dry. Her sparkling eyes are hidden behind the thin eyelids that showcased her veins. The scene broke Joshua's heart, but he could not turn away from her, not ever. Because if he did, he would miss the time when she opened her eyes and offered him her brilliant smile. He had to wait for that. At that moment around, she did open her eyes and told Joshua to sing for her in her raspy small voice. Joshua's mind was only filled with grief and the only moment he could think about right then was the moment when the wind blew their face and hair, as if the wind was blowing through a pinwheel. So Joshua started to sing, trying hard not to choke on his own tears as he followed the melody that was sung by the girl in his mind. The girl in front of him looked peaceful though, so he prompted to sing more steadily. He would continue to sing for the girl for every time she seemed to be in discomfort from her state, to soothe her, and for the most part, it did work. Joshua had waited for her for what feels like forever to him at that time. It will be a lie if he said he was not tired at all, he was tired to watch his beloved suffering on her own, and he had wanted it all to end. He wanted her to get well and to be back with him already, why did the fate became so cruel. He could not face her anymore in this state, so with a tired and heavy heart, he did walk out. 

He continued with his life for the rest of the month, but his heart is still grieving and still waiting for his beloved. After a while, he got so busy and had more and more little time to visit her. Then came a time when he had to go elsewhere, out of the town. Joshua did not want to go and leave her beloved alone, but it was so crucial that he had left with no choice but to follow. He then said his parting with his beloved, and said that he was going to get back to her soon, and that she should get back to him as well. Joshua kissed her sweat covered forehead, before again, walking out and going somewhere else. His heart felt so heavy and wrong, but he could not do anything yet about it. He had to go for a week, and on the fourth day, he received a call from the hospital. They gave him news about how his beloved had gotten better and that she was waiting for him. Joshua could not contain his tears and relieved heart that he immediately wanted to go back home as soon as he can, but he had to finish his work first. He thought that he could soon meet his beloved again. That thought made him joyful, but somewhere in his heart, he still felt the guilt of not being able to go to his beloved sooner, that he was not able to be with her the first time she opened her eyes again.

The last day finally came, and he was very nervous but excited to come back to where his home was, but his flight got delayed, much to his dismay, and suddenly, his heart clenched against his chest so tightly, and he could not breathe. His mind flashed an image of his beloved, and his worry grew bigger. He reached out for his phone, only to find that there was a phone call for him. He immediately picked it up with his shaky hand, and he heard the bad news coming from the other side; his beloved had passed away. Joshua felt like he was going to pass out. His heart fell apart. The rest of the day seemed like a blur to him, until the time he really did look at his beloved's face again. It had been hours after he finally arrived from the airport, so all that he found is the cold and blue figure of his lovely fiancée and a scrap of note hand written by her. His tears could not lie about the misery he was experiencing. He sobbed into his hands, letting out all the mixed emotions into his palms until he grew numb while the words in the paper embedded in his mind. 

"A very small pinwheel there is standing alone and staring blankly, waiting for the wind and someone. It feels like it was me." 

It was his fault for not being able to be on her side all this while, for making his beloved feel lonely. It was completely his fault to make her wait for too long until it was too late. She was not able to meet him for the first time and he was not able to meet her for the last time, and it was all because of him. Or was it all because of the fate of the world? Because of the schedule that he had, that was why they became so distant? Joshua could blame it like that, but that just sounded like a justification for him. He just could not blame it to something else other than him, that only burdened his heart. He wanted to redeem himself for the sake of his beloved. He will wait for her, for the time he'd be able to meet her again, no matter how long it is in the future. He will always wait, so that his heart will be at rest when he finally meet her later. 

So even until now, he had tried to keep his promise. He waits patiently every day for her in her resting place. His arrival has been already familiar for the keeper there that when he entered the place, Joshua was given a small sympathetic smile by him, which he returned with his own polite one. Joshua reminded of the time he first talked to the keeper, when he asked him, 'Isn't the wind, cold, Sir?' At that time, it was indeed almost rained, the sky was so dark and the wind was blowing so hastily. Joshua did not mind that though. His beloved used to love the wind and play along with it, so it is never something bad. Maybe, even, the wind from his beloved, trying to remind him that she is still there. She wanted to meet him too. Joshua was not sure if the keeper would understand what he meant though, so he had just answered with a shake of his head and a soft mumble, 'No, it's fine for me.' 

Joshua walks pass the road that is already so well-known known to him that he did not even thinking much of the steps he is taking. He clutches the pinwheel tightly in his hand. The wind is blowing pretty strong too today, it could be because it was in the fall season. Joshua usually did not pay attention to other people who also comes there to visit their relatives or such, but today, his eyes caught the image of a small child holding a red balloon and sobbing to his elbow. The little kid is not exactly alone, though, he was with someone else too, but it seems that the other person is unrelated to him or the people resting there. It is just his assumption, though, since their appearance is quite different from each other and the elder is not displaying much emotions at the sight of the children and the tomb aside from the look of sympathy for them. Joshua feels empathetic too. It seems so unfair that a child as young as he should already feel the grief like this. Joshua thinks to himself again of how cruel is the fate. Distancing the connected bond between people, but at the same time also connecting them to strangers. Joshua watches as the wind is blowing so strong that it snatched the red balloon away from the little boy's hand. The kid immediately runs to catch the balloon back, but it could not be helped, the balloon already flew away so high that it was impossible for anyone to reach it. The little boy is restless though, he keeps on chasing the balloon until he falls down to the ground, while the other person was in panic trying to pick him back up. Joshua did not just stand back as it happened. He was already rushing to the crying little child to check up on him. 

Joshua asks to him, "Does it hurt anywhere?" Thankfully, there was no sign of physical would on the boy, except for the small dirt and dust on his hands and clothes. The little boy is still shaking from his tears, but when he meets Joshua's gaze, he seems to be calmed a little, but his tears are still streaming down from the corner of his eyes. 

"The balloon is for mama.." He sobbed to Joshua. Joshua's heart ached a little from what the boy said. He looks up to the fading balloon, before feeling the wind blowing again. He looks down to the boy and the little pinwheel he was holding. Joshua then smiles so tenderly to the little boy. 

"There, there.." Joshua says with a little pat to his tiny shoulder as a gesture to soothe him. "The balloon will surely get to your mom, see?" He the points out to the sky, where the little boy's gaze then follows. "The wind is carrying it with her to your mom. She's somewhere up there, isn't she? I have someone who lived there too, and I'm sure she is the one telling the wind to bring the balloon up there." 

The little boy's eyes seem to lighten up a bit, and in turn he also pats Joshua's shoulder. "Who is she, mister?" It was a genuine question and despite the age of the boy, he seems like he understands and it makes Joshua answers him in complete honesty. 

"Her name is Julia. I love her very much, and I wanted to get married to her. Unfortunately, she got sick though, so she had to go. She seemed to be friends with the wind and she was very bright like the sun." Joshua could not help but to reminisce about her. He does feel a little silly to talk about it to a complete stranger, and a little child in that matter too. But the little child seems to understand what he's going through, and he really does. The child gives him a nod, and Joshua smiles at him. "So don't worry and don't be mad at the wind from blowing away your balloon, okay? It's in the good hand and will meet your mom." Joshua ruffles the kid's hair softly. The kid laughs and Joshua offers him a high five which he took gladly. Then after, they fell into silence for a while. 

"I want to meet mama too.." The kid whispers, and it brings Joshua into hugging him tightly. "And I want to meet mister's girlfriend too, to thank her for giving the balloon back to mama.. Mama is kind too, so they must be friends there, right?" Joshua nods his head and pats the younger's back. 

"Sure, they are." Joshua answers. After a moment of contemplation, Joshua finally let go of his hug and gives the pinwheel that he is holding onto to the young boy. "It can catch the wind, so you can ask the wind to give your message to your mom and to Julia too." Joshua says hopefully to him. 

The little kid, hesitant, but happy, takes it from him and raises the pinwheel up so the wind could make it spin. "It's mama's favorite color too." He said with a grin and then he wipes his eyes, wiping the tears away. "Thank you, mister!" And with that, the little child goes away from Joshua with a parting wave from him and the pinwheel. 

Joshua used to think that the pinwheel is so sad and lonely, because he could not forget the way his beloved was waiting for him like the pinwheel, and he could not forgive himself for that. But talking to the child, he realizes that the pinwheel could be hopeful too. Yes, it is a reminiscence of his beloved, it used to make her happy too, and Joshua thinks that it is okay for things to be bittersweet. He always longed for the time he will meet his beloved again, maybe in another lifetime. So for now, he is going to wait for that time, no matter how long he has to wait. He will wait for her like the pinwheel wait for the wind to keep him going. He will move forward with the thought of her deep in his heart and mind. 

"Until I see you again in the future, my love. Always." He says to the tombstone that has the word "Julia" written on it. The wind caresses his hair, carrying his prayer with her as well, and Joshua's heart is at ease.


End file.
